Thursday, June 15, 2006

We Don't Believe You!

If I have to read about another unmarried celebrity couple with children responding to the question, "Are you going to get married?" with the answer, "Well, we're just too busy right now," I'm going to scream.

Scream because they are lying. To us. The people who pay their $20-million-plus-per-year salaries.

They are lying for PR reasons, because they know that the following honest answers wouldn't fly:

"We're waiting until her big film is released, so that we can exploit the wedding for PR purposes."

"We have sociological issues with the institution of marriage. Frankly, we think it's for suckers, but we don't dare say that, because 90% of our fans are suckers--oops--we mean, married."

"We're so rich that we don't need to worry about pedestrian issues like pensions and health insurance, so, really, what's the point?"

"We're just going to get divorced anyway, so, really, what's the point?"

"He wouldn't sign the prenup."

"I'm already pretty sick of her. I'm only with her until something better comes along."

"We have to wait until I can lose all of the baby weight, so I'll look better in my dress."

"We're still searching for corporate sponsors."

"I don't want that bitch to walk away with half my net worth when she ultimately catches me schtupping starlets."

Have any to add?


Anonymous kate said...

Thats awesome.

Seriously, I swear Hollywood gets married more than anyone else.

10:22 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

How about: "I'll marry her once the rumors of my homosexuality get to be overpowering and I need to 'prove' that I'm straight!"

Not that I, uh, have anyone in mind with that one, or anything.

12:02 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

LOL, Mrs. H -- that was my first thought, too!

1:24 PM  
Blogger Alli said...

LOL - so true, so true.

1:28 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

How bout, "We're not getting married because really I can't stand the dickhead - I just got knocked up because that's what Everyone is doing, right?"

2:27 PM  
Anonymous V-Grrrl said...

"We're not getting married to show our support of our gay friends and family who CAN'T get married."

"Because if I got married, bumping uglies with my co-stars would be adultery right? I don't want to commit adultery! I'm a moral person!"

"Because then I couldn't sleep with the nanny."

"We haven't cast the wedding yet or lined up that hot new director to make sure our wedding production is everything it should be. We're still trying to see what A-List celebrities are available to be shown arriving and figuring out if we'll need extras to make it seem like the biggest wedding EVER."

11:53 AM  
Anonymous Caryn said...

LOL! They're not too busy to screw each other, gestate, and give birth, but to take ten minutes in front of the justice of the peace, or to hire some fancy-schmantzy wedding planner to put on a big event? Yeah. Right.

5:53 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

He's cute and not half bad in bed, but he is one movie failure away from getting dumped. Sickness and health I can handle, but if his career goes down the toilet, I got nothin'.

12:30 AM  

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