Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Buon Viaggio, C.S.

C.S. is, ostensibly, leaving on Thursday for her grand cross-country excursion and ultimate settling in Los Angeles. Though I've been preparing for this for months, I've been in denial for the past two weeks, spending my time navel-gazing (to be fair, I've been checking out my incisions, not just staring off into space).

Today, I'm wearing a sweater that she gave me while going through her closet and paring down her wardrobe. It's soft, cozy, green, free of offensive clothing tags, and a bit too loose for me in the chest; in other words, the prototypical C.S. garment. She also gave me jeans, black pants, and a pair of sneakers. I've done well by her closet.

In MY closet is a scarf that I've been knitting for her for the past two years, now complete. I had wanted to give it to her before she left. I wanted to give her this gift, something that I saw on television that I thought she might like. I wanted to take her to dinner. I've done none of these things. For this I am sorry. I feel like if I don't really say goodbye, then I won't really have to.

I just can't imagine not seeing her after each new haircut, not having the occasional brunch together, not having her watch my belly grow with time if I become pregnant anytime soon. I worry about her safety, driving so far with only one other person. I worry about her temperamental back. I worry about her never wanting to return.

To face my demons, C.S., I am writing this post in your honor. A farewell post for you. I'm sorry I didn't do all the saying-goodbye things that I wanted to do. I will mail you the scarf, if you'd like (if not, I will keep it here for when you return, next to the present that I still have for your nephew's first birthday, even though the kid is now three). I will come visit you in California and take you to dinner. I will, hopefully, e-mail you some belly photos.

Above all, I'll be here, thinking of you, no matter where you go, how long it takes, or whether you return. My friend, I love you.


Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

What a sweet post. I hate good-byes. Me thinks you are in denial. That's okay. Sometimes denial is good.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

Awwwww. :(

She couldn't really use a scarf in LA, anyway.

You guys are so cute.

12:04 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

So sad and sweet! You keep that scarf and wear it as a warm reminder of your friend. She's going to need your support, albeit long-distance, I bet. Getting used to a new city, and especially a behemoth like LA is no easy task. Good luck to her!

12:31 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Good luck to your friend, and gentle hugs to you.

12:43 PM  

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