Tuesday, February 21, 2006

California in my Living Room

Currently wedged between two easy chairs in my living room is this Denise Austin recumbent exercise bike. I ordered it last week and it arrived on Friday, just in time for me to spend the evening putting it together, and thereby getting the best workout I'd had in several months before I even straddled the thing. (As an aside, Denise Austin has a book called Sculpt Your Body With Balls and Bands. Isn't that the most erotic thing you've read all morning?)

I basically ordered it to thin my thighs in anticipation of this trip that Ty and I are taking to California. In California, I've only ever been to San Francisco, which is a little like New York in the '70's on downers and with mountains, but this time we'll be going to L.A.

L.A. intimidates me a little bit. I've been brainwashed by enough repeat viewings of Annie Hall to expect that I'll be totally out of my element. I have dark curly hair--is that even allowed in L.A., or will I have to get highlights and a blowout before I'm permitted off the plane? Will my breasts automatically inflate upon descent from cruising altitude? How will I survive on this vacation without decent, authentic pizza? Am I being a bitch--a sullen, New York bitch? Should I just put on a black T-shirt and some Chucks and sit in a corner and pout?

My friend C.S. is one of the most New Yorky New Yorkers that I know, and she likes L.A. and will even be moving there in the spring. I'm hoping some of her newfound L.A. fondness will rub off on me. Some of it. But I rather like being a sullen, neurotic New Yorker and don't think I'd cope well with too much sunshine and fresh air, not to mention designer pink low-rise sweatpants.


Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

My sister moved out to California. She said even worse than the lack of good pizza is the complete abscence of anything even slightly resembling a decent bagel.
She gave in the pressure and dyed her hair blonde. You stay strong, and stay away from pink sweatpants!

8:54 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

It is definitely a different world on the west coast. But I always find it more amusing than anything. There is so much crazy-ass eye candy, you will totally forget about anything else. Even a dyed in the wool city girl like yourself ;o) Make sure you take lots of pictures!

10:43 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

I think even the surgically-enhanced population of LA gets a little sick of itself, and embraces the in-your-face attitude of New Yorkers. Not that you're in-your-face (or apparently un-surgically-enhanced, hee hee!).

And GG's right. Bagels and pizza suck on the west coast, but sushi and Mexican food do not. And please don't give in to the call of the low-rise velour sweats. Even trying them on can kill brain cells, I've heard.

11:45 AM  
Anonymous c.s. said...

if anything, you will love eating there. the food is so fresh. get a fish taco at a road-side stand. that's what i was told, but never happened upon one. and definitely indulge in some super fatty toro.

11:56 AM  
Blogger Jess Riley said...

That Denise Austin video title made me laugh out loud.

Have a great trip! I've got curly brown hair, too, so I can relate to your concerns.

12:12 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

You'll do fine, because you don't wear your neuroses on your sleeve, like some New Yorkers. But I would steer clear of sarcasm with the locals - they're too damned nice to get it!

Can't wait to see photos. And hear about the food!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

"Sculpt Your Body With Balls and Bands" Oh my. *Growl*

You'll be fine in Cali. If anything, you'll stand out in all that blonde and plastic boobs. Unique is good.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

You may have expand some of your clothes to contain color, just 1 thing can be black...I am sorry to have to tell you that....otherwise, there is nothing not to love about California, other than, it is a couple of thousand miles away.

I just posted the answer to your question on my site....

12:55 AM  
Blogger IzzyMom said...

You should never have to survive without decent authentic pizza. You just shouldn't. Life is already hard enough.

And designer pink sweatpants? Mmmmmm. No. They would clash terribly with your fabulous New Yorker-ness.

Did you ever happen to watch Thirtysomething? If so, do you remember when Melissa went to LA? That's my reference point for all urban east coasters who head west...lol

11:41 AM  

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