Week 10 Update
I'm going to say something I never thought I would say:
I hate being pregnant.
I really do. I feel tired and cranky and pukey and pimply and shaky and weak and unattractive. I hate not being able to walk to a store myself to buy a trashy magazine, let alone not being able to exercise. I hate that all cooking smells make me either vomit or feel like I'm going to vomit. I hate having to sit down and rest THREE (3) times in the course of a single shower. I don't feel the slightest bit creative or "empowered." Naturally, I feel guilty for feeling this way, but it's honestly how I feel.
Yes, it has its ups and downs. There are "good" days, which are basically defined as days that I don't feel that my life is over and I don't wish that someone would repeatedly hit me over the head with a golf club. These tend to be the days where I can work for three hours straight, consume some food, and keep it down. That's what passes for "good."
The problem with these days is that I may start to feel too good, and that means I may actually engage in rational thought about what is happening in my life and the tremendous changes I will face. That's when I start thinking about all the stuff I'll need to buy, how many diapers I'll be changing (approximately 24 a day for two newborns), how I'm going to nurse both babies at the same time (every three hours), and what will become of my body and soul. It's times like these that I start Googling "black market value of a kidney." You know what? The black market value of a kidney isn't even enough to pay for a year of New York City private school for both children.
I'll be leaving to go to the doctor in a few minutes. The nice doctor. I will be taking a designated bag with me in case I need to barf into it on the way. I really, really, really, really, really hope that I get to see at least one of the babies moving around on the sonogram, and that it's enough to snap me out of this frame of mind for the weekend. Or, at least until I make the 17,651 calls that I have to make to concerned family members to update them about the latest doctor visit, before coming home and reviewing an important contract.
But I'm sure everything will be easier when the babies finally arrive.
I hate being pregnant.
I really do. I feel tired and cranky and pukey and pimply and shaky and weak and unattractive. I hate not being able to walk to a store myself to buy a trashy magazine, let alone not being able to exercise. I hate that all cooking smells make me either vomit or feel like I'm going to vomit. I hate having to sit down and rest THREE (3) times in the course of a single shower. I don't feel the slightest bit creative or "empowered." Naturally, I feel guilty for feeling this way, but it's honestly how I feel.
Yes, it has its ups and downs. There are "good" days, which are basically defined as days that I don't feel that my life is over and I don't wish that someone would repeatedly hit me over the head with a golf club. These tend to be the days where I can work for three hours straight, consume some food, and keep it down. That's what passes for "good."
The problem with these days is that I may start to feel too good, and that means I may actually engage in rational thought about what is happening in my life and the tremendous changes I will face. That's when I start thinking about all the stuff I'll need to buy, how many diapers I'll be changing (approximately 24 a day for two newborns), how I'm going to nurse both babies at the same time (every three hours), and what will become of my body and soul. It's times like these that I start Googling "black market value of a kidney." You know what? The black market value of a kidney isn't even enough to pay for a year of New York City private school for both children.
I'll be leaving to go to the doctor in a few minutes. The nice doctor. I will be taking a designated bag with me in case I need to barf into it on the way. I really, really, really, really, really hope that I get to see at least one of the babies moving around on the sonogram, and that it's enough to snap me out of this frame of mind for the weekend. Or, at least until I make the 17,651 calls that I have to make to concerned family members to update them about the latest doctor visit, before coming home and reviewing an important contract.
But I'm sure everything will be easier when the babies finally arrive.
Copyright 2005-2010 by Arabella and Trattoria Breve. All rights reserved. 10:05 AM
8 Comments:
Here goes: [pretend neckrub via internet]. Better?
Oh hallelujah sister! You said what I'm so afraid to voice. Especially when you've had issues getting pregnant to begin with, you feel as thought you're NOT ALLOWED to complain. It should all just be thanks to God and constant novenas or something. And as grateful as we are, which yes, we are, it just freakin' SUCKS sometimes.
Good luck with everything and I'll be thinking of you!
I hated it too. I felt large and slow and embarrassed for the whole deal, both times. And in that respect, yes, post-partum (aside from all the other pleasentries you'll be faced with) was a breeze.
One thing that helped the second time around was pre-natal pilates. The breathing practice was good and strength workout and all that shit, but mostly it was nice to be surrounded by other bovine-resembling women that were basically feeling the same way I was. (I wrote about it here: http://openingyourmind.blogspot.com/2005/03/moo-zack.html). Just don't go to some holistic, hippi place, because they'll just ruin it. Go to the lowest of the lowbrow place you can find. Like the YMCA or something. Women are usually more normal there.
Thinking about you - xx
I hated being pregnant too, but with Julia only. After I had her I swore I was done with making babies...and then I got pregnant with Oliver. The first four months were rough but after that I felt absolutely fucking FABULOUS. It was unreal, and it's a huge part of the reason why I'd consider a third. If I'd had the pregnancy with Oliver that I did with Julia I would have said SUCK IT.
Hang in there, Arabella...
Oh, and we had a milk crate in our shower while I was pregnant. So I could sit down.
I loved being pregnant the first time and hated it this time around. But, you're lucky...you get two for the price of one!
I'm so sorry that you're feeling crappy.
Oh Arabella, I'm sorry. I hope things get better soon. I know what you mean about the tiredness and the sitting down in the shower though. It's weird isn't it?
Hang in there.
Oh, you poor thing. I hope things improve as the pregnancy progresses.
If you're hating the first trimester, you're right on target. It almost always sucks and believe me, I bitched about it plenty. But relief is hopefully right around the bend!
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