Thursday, August 31, 2006

Sweet Revenge, Courtesy of the Internet

Dear Asshole Fright-Inducing Overzealous Draconian Doctor Who Despite All The Certificates on the Wall Doesn't Know My Vagina from his Elbow,

You suck.

You made me feel like a freak of nature. You made me feel like there was something wrong with me. You made me feel like my body was failing me and that I shouldn't listen to my own intuition, lest I harm myself or my unborn children. You treated me like a formalin specimen, instead of an intelligent, educated woman with a mind and heart and feelings. You ignored and snubbed my husband, a compassionate, smart, caring, personable non-doctor who, given sterile conditions, I would trust to perform emergency surgery on me.

Which is more than I can say for you.

Fortunately, I saw the way the wind was blowing pretty early on. I listened to my own sound intuition instead of your strict, hateful commands. You'd never know it, because we were always far more polite with you than you were with us, but my husband and I cracked many brilliant jokes, and got many great laughs, at your expense.

You know what? My scary conditions improved. I listened to my body and did what it told me, after consulting other medical professionals to make sure my decisions were sound. My body knew exactly what it was doing all along.

I treat people signing contracts with more kindness and respect than you treated me while I had, as Mignon would say, a "huge white rod shoved up my 'gina." And I'm proud of that. Because that's how you deal with other human beings. So, as a businessman, you are a FAILURE.

I don't wish you harm. Your bedside manner is atrocious--truly, the worst I've ever seen--but, as a medical professional, you're competent and qualified. I just hope that, someday, you're on the other side of the sheet, or the desk, or the office, and you're the recipient of your own brand of treatment. Preferably while you're naked from the waist down. At least metaphorically.

And that, when that happens, my healthy children and I are off playing at the park.



Anonymous mamatuliup said...

Please send him this.

7:55 PM  
Anonymous Elizabeth said...

Better yet, send it to your State's Medical Review Board. Or if he's part of an HMO, send it to them. No Doctor should treat a patient like that.

11:05 PM  
Blogger SmarshyBoy said...

I think you and my wife have the same doctor! It's amazing how you captured our feelings exactly in your post. Well done!

8:25 AM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Good for you, Arabella. Women have been having babies for way longer than this guy's been a doctor. You're well rid of him.

10:04 AM  
Blogger mamalujo1 said...

What was that movie about ten years or so ago with William Hurt playing a doctor that gets throat cancer? He was a jerk but learned better.

11:13 AM  
Anonymous TB said...

I salute you Arabella. I need to do the same I think.

Also the big rod scared the crap out of me. Thank GOD that whole thing didn't end up in my 'gina!

1:22 PM  
Blogger Tits McGee said...


12:46 AM  

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