Ten Things That Piss Me Off
Looks like it's List Week at the Trattoria Breve. WARNING: This one is grumpy.
1. Spending a long time making the perfect cup of tea (or having my sweet husband spend a long time making the perfect cup of tea for me), and then losing my grip on the milk carton and pouring too much in and messing it all up. Then, I get to be unhappy for 15 minutes first thing in the morning as I sip the bland tea. It's going to be a bee-yoo-tee-ful day.
2. When I try to open a simple e-mail attachment from a friend and some program throws up a million pop-up windows as it first tries to update itself, and then tells me how many wonderful features it has. I JUST WANT TO OPEN MY FUCKING E-MAIL ATTACHMENT. WHEN I WANT UPDATES, I READ PINKISTHENEWBLOG.COM; THOSE UPDATES ARE A LOT MORE INTERESTING.
3. When I get all excited about a new exercise plan and overdo it the first day, and then get so sore that I don't exercise again for several days, and by then I'm no longer excited and it doesn't become a regular routine. Might as well just take the Cookie Dough ice cream to bed with me and be done with it.
4. My utter inability to fall in love with any handbags produced after 2003. I like hardware as much as the next person, but my goodness. Don't these designers know that most of us carry the same handbag everywhere? I really don't want to look like a dominatrix at church. Plus, who has a lifestyle that supports a non-shoulder bag?
5. The admission rates of certain museums that shall remain nameless. $20.00 each??? Are they out of their frickin' minds? I imagine that many of the paintings inside originally sold for considerably less money.
6. Not being able to pick and choose which channels I want in my cable package. Right now, I could live without some of the foreign-language news channels, but I really would like more channels that show graphic cosmetic surgery procedures, because there are a few hours of the day when they are difficult to come by. I'm not being facetious.
7. When I can't fish my cellphone out of my handbag fast enough to catch it while it's ringing, and then it goes to voicemail, and then I have to wait for the little icon to appear, punch in my code, listen to it, and delete it. Oh, and it's always those messages that say stuff like, "just call me back."
8. Junk mail from companies I've never heard of. No, I won't be ordering any exotic fruit, $80 pajamas with sheet-music designs all over them, or mail-order brides today. How about selling me something useful, like paper towels in bulk, delivered to my door, with a free jug of laundry detergent thrown in?
9. Paying shipping and handling anew when I exchange an item. You're just trying to get me into the store so you can pitch the credit card, aren't you? I'm wise to your schemes.
10. Falling in love with something online and on sale, only to discover it's already sold out, but the website hasn't bothered to take down its description yet. Ivory cable-knit grandpa sweater, we hardly knew ye.
1. Spending a long time making the perfect cup of tea (or having my sweet husband spend a long time making the perfect cup of tea for me), and then losing my grip on the milk carton and pouring too much in and messing it all up. Then, I get to be unhappy for 15 minutes first thing in the morning as I sip the bland tea. It's going to be a bee-yoo-tee-ful day.
2. When I try to open a simple e-mail attachment from a friend and some program throws up a million pop-up windows as it first tries to update itself, and then tells me how many wonderful features it has. I JUST WANT TO OPEN MY FUCKING E-MAIL ATTACHMENT. WHEN I WANT UPDATES, I READ PINKISTHENEWBLOG.COM; THOSE UPDATES ARE A LOT MORE INTERESTING.
3. When I get all excited about a new exercise plan and overdo it the first day, and then get so sore that I don't exercise again for several days, and by then I'm no longer excited and it doesn't become a regular routine. Might as well just take the Cookie Dough ice cream to bed with me and be done with it.
4. My utter inability to fall in love with any handbags produced after 2003. I like hardware as much as the next person, but my goodness. Don't these designers know that most of us carry the same handbag everywhere? I really don't want to look like a dominatrix at church. Plus, who has a lifestyle that supports a non-shoulder bag?
5. The admission rates of certain museums that shall remain nameless. $20.00 each??? Are they out of their frickin' minds? I imagine that many of the paintings inside originally sold for considerably less money.
6. Not being able to pick and choose which channels I want in my cable package. Right now, I could live without some of the foreign-language news channels, but I really would like more channels that show graphic cosmetic surgery procedures, because there are a few hours of the day when they are difficult to come by. I'm not being facetious.
7. When I can't fish my cellphone out of my handbag fast enough to catch it while it's ringing, and then it goes to voicemail, and then I have to wait for the little icon to appear, punch in my code, listen to it, and delete it. Oh, and it's always those messages that say stuff like, "just call me back."
8. Junk mail from companies I've never heard of. No, I won't be ordering any exotic fruit, $80 pajamas with sheet-music designs all over them, or mail-order brides today. How about selling me something useful, like paper towels in bulk, delivered to my door, with a free jug of laundry detergent thrown in?
9. Paying shipping and handling anew when I exchange an item. You're just trying to get me into the store so you can pitch the credit card, aren't you? I'm wise to your schemes.
10. Falling in love with something online and on sale, only to discover it's already sold out, but the website hasn't bothered to take down its description yet. Ivory cable-knit grandpa sweater, we hardly knew ye.
Copyright 2005-2010 by Arabella and Trattoria Breve. All rights reserved. 8:44 AM
7 Comments:
Omg... Join the club on 6,7,8,9, and 10 for that matter. 6 Especially. I don't want 12 different food channels that make me hungry for food I will never be able to make or get. If they start making taste-o-vision then maybe I'll reconsider.
The mountain of catalogs I receive for ridiculously overpriced and sometimes frightening crap is insane! I don't know how to get off of their mailing lists either.
And the last museum trip I made was in November and I somehow managed to sneak in, otherwise I would have paid 20.00. I really wasn't trying to not pay admission, it just happened and I didn't tell anyone.
Oh #3....my hips are a beggin' yuh....blah.
Hope your morning gets a little better!
I got a whole closet full of #4's to help you out with. I have an inability to trash something I paid $300 for....this was pre-children days.
Hate the whole teeny tiny cell phone getting lost in my dominatrix purse (kidding about the purse, not about the stupid phone).
Worthless catalogs kill thousands of trees for nothing. Oh no wait! So I can order cherimoyas. What the hell is a cherimoya anyway??? And why would I pay that much for a piece of ugly fruit?
Cherimoyas from a catalog? Is that in Harry & David? I usually get the ones offering me Waterford crystal (dude, I am not ever buying that for myself; I've already broken one of those) or patently awful costume jewelry.
I hate it when I go to make some other part of my breakfast and I let the tea steep too long, and then I have to overcompensate with too much milk.
I love the cosmetic surgery shows but my husband refuses to watch them, so I have to sneak them on the sly. Oh, Dr. 90210! I especially enjoy checking out the wives and receptionists for telltale signs of cheekbone implants, etc. etc.
You watch Dr. 90210, too??? I KNEW early in the first season that Hayley had probably had breast implants, and, sure enough, they announced later on that she did.
I think the blond streaks make Dr. Rey look a little too Ken-doll this season, especially when paired with the pink tie in the dog-trainer episode.
Dr. Li's having her baby soon!
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