Tuesday, January 31, 2006


Yesterday I had my third pelvic exam in seven days. This was the least uncomfortable pelvic exam of the trio, and I'm not being facetious.

"Don't cry!" the nurse told me, as she jammed in the cold speculum with a little twist.

Why would I cry when I could just kick? I thought.

"I won't," I said.

Afterwards, I did what anyone would do under the circumstances; I treated myself to a copy of the British edition of the current OK! magazine.

In my opinion, the reason why OK! hasn't been so popular in the States is because the U.S. edition isn't chock-full of material about British celebrities. Us Weekly does a fine job of filling us in on Brangelina and Vincifer; what a woman really wants after a pelvic exam is to read about television presenters, footballers' wives, Posh and Becks, and Jordan, the enormous-breasted Page 3 model. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you're really missing out. I'm serious.

As I sat drowning my sorrows in "The OK! Rich List: Which Celebrities Raked in the Most Dosh in 2005?" my cellphone rang.

It was Mrs. Harridan! She was in New York for the day on business, and had some free time.

A few hours later, we shunned a too-crowded Starbucks and headed for an empty Irish pub for an hour of pleasing, supportive conversation. She bequeathed me with the ring you see in the photo above. As I wore it home on the subway, ultimately headed for one of several tedious meetings this week, I swear, its fuzzy purpleness imparted a fortifying essence into my weary bod.

Thanks, Mrs. Harridan. I really needed that.


Anonymous TB said...

Wait, is pooter the same as cooter? I always thought that was something different entirely. And just for your information I like to call it my poonie.

I hope you at least get some results from the medieval torture that is infertility examination.

Your new ring is fabulous and once again I am jealous of the in person blog love. Are you still interested in a B-List mini-con?

9:58 AM  
Blogger wordgirl said...

I wish I could ride the subway home. I wish I could ride the subway ANYWHERE! Oh, to meet Mrs. Harridan and Arabella for beer at a pub would be pure, unmitigated joy! And a round of fuzzy, purple rings for everyone!

11:39 AM  
Blogger The Gradual Gardener said...

I love the ring. I have the feeling my kitten would love it too!

12:39 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I've always liked Ali G's word "poonani." Pooter is like poonani + cooter. I like it!

I have skimmed the cover of OK! but never really read it. My experience with English newspapers was that many were a variation on the general theme of OK!, i.e. Posh and Becks, Big Brother, scanadl involving J.K. Rowling, and of course, Jordan. Remind me to send you the link to Popbitch, which is a gloriously trashy gossip newsletter about Brits. Evidently Pete "You Spin Me Round" Burns is on Celebrity Big Brother and is in trouble for wearing a long coat made of gorilla fur on the show.

I was hoping the ring would have perceived magical powers to take away the ick imparted by that pelvic, and I'm pleased to know it did its job!

Can't wait to dim sum and tea this weekend. :)

2:53 PM  
Blogger mama_tulip said...

Very cool -- both the ring and the meeting with Mrs. Harridan.

3:15 PM  
Anonymous Matt Z said...

Hey, why didn't you guys call me?

7:09 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

I like pooter! Cooter sounds like something with bugs in it.

We use 'gina around here - I thought it was good to use the correct name, but of course it got shortened and 'gina sounds like a cute name you'd give to a little friend, so it stuck.

I'm with teebs and wrdgrl... I want some in-person blog love too!

12:10 AM  
Blogger Arabella said...

Next time, Matt Z. :)

I'm absolutely still interested in in-person blog love. When my utterly hellish week is over, I promise to get back to working on that. Maybe we'll get an email list going.

9:05 AM  
Blogger Ditsy Chick said...

Green with envy over the beer thingy!

The pooter thing sounds horrible. I hope it all leads to something good!

11:35 PM  

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