Sunday, May 02, 2010

I'm hearing voices in my head...

...but that's because two toddlers have been screaming in my ear all night. Whatever problems I have, auditory hallucinations aren't among them. At least, not anymore. I took a pretty good hit to the chin the other day, and my ears were ringing for a while after that, but now I'm left with only a bruise.

Look at me, blogging again, like it's 2005.

So, tonight Sage screamed and bucked as I attempted to place him in the bathtub. I would have skipped it, but he and Thyme spent at least an hour playing in the sort of dirt patch surrounding a tree that many of the city's pent-up large dogs have probably taken delight in defiling. I struggled and wrestled him in, and then finally handed him a cup with which to play in the water. After calming down and playing quietly with it for about ten minutes, he turned to me with his little soggy head and asked, "Why I didn't want to take a bath?"

I thought my evening would be clear after that, but then Thyme peed the carpet, requiring that I hurry along the diaper-applying process. Then, Sage refused to wear a clean diaper. I was dealing with that just fine until he actually went and FISHED A USED WET DIAPER OUT OF THE TRASH AND DEMANDED THAT I PUT IT ON HIM. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHICH CHILD SOILED IT ORIGINALLY. I flatly refused, and finally coaxed him into a dry one. Then Thyme demanded the wet one. I am not kidding. After that, Ty and I fed them on the fly, catching the scraps of food that they flung in an effort to get some sustenance for ourselves.

This night hasn't been all that unusual. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why I often have nothing but a birth control pill for breakfast.