Thursday, July 24, 2008

"Smaland" is a misnomer

New York City has a brand-spankin'-new Ikea. It was only a matter of time before we would load Sage and Thyme into the ol' automobile, blast the AC, and head down there on an ill-conceived outing that would last several hours more than any of us expected.

I'll just give you the highlights.

"Smaland," Ikea's child-friendly area that allows parents to shop in relative peace, is open only to children of a certain height, and children who don't poop their pants. They all but had a big, bright, cheerful, yellow-and-blue sign with the big red outstretched heart and arms that said, "Children who don't poop their pants and are old enough to be past the most annoying and dangerous mobile phase are welcome."

Moving on.....

We waited to speak to some kitchen guy for about ten minutes before realizing that he wasn't in fact an Ikea employee, but merely a private citizen wearing a yellow shirt.

While Ty tracked down an actual employee, I stayed with both boys, one of whom began lifting up my skirt and saying, "Poopy? Poopy?" Real loud.

You know how Ikea has those glass display cases where they show a machine repeatedly opening and closing, say, a drawer, to simulate wear and tear? Well, we performed such tests all on our own.

A strange man looked a split-second too long at my children, and nearly got a low-priced Scandinavian-designed kitchen implement shoved into his eyeball. DON'T MESS WITH MAMA.

In a shocking twist of fate, Sage and Thyme preferred the meatballs to the lingonberries. (Usually, they go for sweet.)

Mama earned herself a Daim cake, and absolutely refused to share. Sorry, boys; some things are sacred.


Everybody (who still reads after my extended absences), please congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Lashes on their recent wedding!


Blogger Tink said...

Arabella! Your back just in time for your holiday. It's July 30th (Wednesday).

Congrats to Mr. and Mrs. Lashes. :)

4:17 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I used to say that if a relationship could withstand a trip to IKEA, it could withstand anything. I think the same theory could apply to children. The last time Booby & I took G there, I ended up having to nurse him while sitting in one of the display living rooms. Fun!

Thanks for giving me a laugh on a day when I really needed one. :)

And congratulations to the newlyweds!

5:05 PM  
Anonymous apathy lounge said...

Still have never been to IKEA. Is that wrong? It feels wrong.

10:20 AM  
Blogger PEACE said...

There are some great advantages to being a relatively young grandma. It's so great to just plan to go somewhere and not have to worry about who will watch the kids and poopy pants, etc. But I do miss the daily hugs and kisses!

1:41 AM  
Blogger ptg said...

I've never even seen an Ikea, and probably never will.

11:14 PM  

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