Tuesday, April 15, 2008

On Twins, Part I

NOTE: This post is Part I in what I intend to be at least a three-part series on the art, science, and mess of raising twins. My goal is three posts before next Monday.

About me--I was once the sort of person who suffered guilt-induced anxiety attacks for using my student ID to get museum discounts the summer after I graduated from college. When store cashiers asked me questions like, "How ya doing?" I felt compelled to answer them with complete honesty. I sought out hand-sanitizer gel at specialty drugstores before it was widely available. I used multiple bottles of rubbing alcohol each year in the pursuit of clean ears alone. To say the least, I was a bit high-strung.

In the past thirteen months, though, through the magic of raising twins, all that anxious tension has melted away.

Here are some phrases I have found myself uttering and conversations I have found myself participating in with the utmost calmness and tranquility:

Arabella's Mom: "Arabella, Sage is crawling off with his dirty diaper!"
Arabella: "If it's poop, he can't play with it, but if it's only a urine diaper, then that's fine. Urine is sterile when it leaves the body."

"Please stop biting your brother's head."

"If you're going to dribble your milk from the bottle, at least do it on the carpet. It's more absorbent and leaves less to mop up."

Arabella's Mom: "Arabella, Thyme just put something strange in his mouth!"
Arabella (briefly checking): "Oh, that's ok. It's just paper."


Blogger mamatulip said...

I so get and can relate to what you're saying. Parenthood mellows you, yes, and heightens you as well.

Can't wait for part two. :)

4:41 PM  
Blogger DebbieDoesLife said...

Ha! Yes, you have come a long way!! It is amazing how you adjust your bar once you have kids (especially boys!)

11:23 AM  
Anonymous apathy lounge said...

Paper's fine. So is kleenex. You just have to know when to dig big wads of it out of their mouthes before they choke.

11:22 AM  
Blogger Tits McGee said...

Happy Mother's Day!

9:21 AM  
Blogger Denice said...

I think having twins might even speed up the mellowing process. Uh, not that I am one to cast stones, but I see the goal of 3 posts by Monday, did not come off without a hitch.

5:43 PM  
Blogger ptg said...

The effect sounds very much like that of Zoloft.

11:13 AM  
Blogger Tink said...

I miss you.

Arabella Day is coming up.

5:08 PM  

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