Things That Backfire

While pregnant, I joyfully fantasized about teaching my children about their heritage. I bought them a CD called Baby's First Steps: Italian. It consists of lots of songs and stories. It is wonderful.

The first 75 times.

ARABELLA, standing by the CD player: "Would you like to hear Free to Be You and Me?"

SAGE: "No. Talian."

ARABELLA: "How about Joni Mitchell?"

SAGE: "Talian."

ARABELLA: "Mozart?"

SAGE: "TALIAN!"

ARABELLA, timidly: "Bach?"

THYME: "Bach?"

SAGE: "TALIAN! TALIAN!!!!"

(Sobs. Stamps feet. Throws tiny body on floor and pounds fists.)

THYME, softly: "Talian?"

ARABELLA: "Ok, ok. Italian."

(Brief pause as Arabella fiddles with CD player.)

SAGE: "TALIAN! MORE TALIAN!!!"

(Shakes fists. Kicks feet. Conjures up demons that lurk below.)

(music starts)

SAGE: "Talian."

(Proceeds to pick Cheerios out of carpet, contentedly.)