Things That Backfire Repeatedly

Sage and Thyme regularly perform a little ritual we refer to as the 8 PM Shuffle. At approximately 7:50, the requests intensify for songs, stories, drawings, water, baths, toys, flashlights, dinner, Tetley English Breakfast Tea, visits from distant relatives, and basically anything that may possibly delay bedtime.

Several weeks ago, in an attempt to streamline our bedtime ritual, relax the kids, and reduce the intensity of the 8 PM Shuffle, my mother brought us a CD of spa music. We played it once (this was back before our CD player was a hostage of the Talians). Sage and Thyme tolerated it--maybe even enjoyed it--and asked to see the cover of the CD. Said CD cover featured a photo of a woman lying on a spa table. It was not compelling enough to warrant comment from either child, other than, "CD."

Fast-forward to now. Desperate for ANY SOUND OTHER THAN TALIAN, we ultimately resorted to that time-honored parental technique: deceit.

ARABELLA, perhaps a little too cheerfully: We have a new Italian CD!

SAGE: Talian.

THYME: Talian?

ARABELLA: Yes, Talian! Would you like to hear this new Italian CD?

SAGE: Talian.

THYME: Talian?

ARABELLA: Ok, here we go!

(Begins playing CD.)

(Brief, expectant pause from children as the music starts.)

SAGE: LADY! LADY! LADY! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! NO! NO LADY! TALIAN! TALIAN!!!

(Hurls body onto ground, sobbing.)

ARABELLA: Ok! OK! No more lady! Talian!

(Immediately changes CD to Real Talian. Music starts.)

SAGE, quietly: No lady. No lady.

(pause)

SAGE, barely audibly: Go 'way, Lady.

(pause)

SAGE: Talian.

(Calmly begins to crayon the walls.)