Fun with abstracts

I recently Googled the phrase "night nurse" (along with some other equally innocuous words) and sorted through the results.

I haven't been this scared since I saw The Ring.

Here are some highlights from the results abstracts:

"BABY NIGHT NURSE WANTED FOR QUESTIONING IN FRAUD CASES"

"They said the baby was fine. He wasn't."

"The night nurse stepped in and told me that they were coming to take my baby away."

"So I had as close to a near death experience as I care to have..."

"Daddy wants to knock up the night nurse"

"But in the case of my daughter's contraction of Whooping Cough, there was nothing I ... "

"Our night nurse confirmed what we had suspected - we were stuck in the CICU"

Um.....shit?