Monday, January 08, 2007

Taking it to the mattress

The lovely TB has written a great post, about shopping for baby stuff, that has particularly struck a chord with me.

This morning, I will place a phone call to custom-order two decent crib mattresses for my babies. I will do this because I can't find decent, small-sized crib mattresses anywhere else in the universe. I will do this despite the fact that owning custom crib mattresses will mean that I will also have to acquire custom crib sheets. This acquisition will probably occur by my bending over my sewing machine at 3 am with a child at each breast, altering regular crib sheets.

I have spent hours and hours over weeks and weeks looking for mattresses suitably firm to reduce the risk of my children dying in too-soft bedding. I have applied my best lawyerly research skills to this project, sniffing out websites from the darkest corners of the Internet and making more phone calls than a PTA makes on a snow day.

I have not found my crib mattresses.

Here are some products I have found, all of which can be purchased with relative ease:

-Small fabric cones that you place over your young son's penis as you change his diaper, so that he doesn't pee in your face. These come in multiple colors and prints. Apparently, using a baby wipe, tissue, or towel to block the urine stream is gauche. Parents that truly love their children buy the decorative cones.

-Stuffed animals with electronic sounds that supposedly mimic the sounds the baby hears inside your womb. From what I've seen of pregnancy, these gadgets can't be all that accurate unless they include intermittent strings of four-letter words.

-Video game systems for babies. Yes, BABIES--as in, goo-goo-ga-ga-I-don't-even-talk-yet-but-I'm-playing-video-games. Is there anyone who thinks this is a good idea??? Oh, and the best part is that the commercial makes it sound as if this is something you do with your baby to facilitate bonding.

Twins have been around for a long time. People have been living in small spaces for a long time. Yuppies who are into quality bedding have been around long enough that you would think that some enterprising individual would realize that there is a market for people who can't fit two ginormous modern cribs in a nursery, yet don't want their twins to sleep on mattresses unfit for dolls. But, apparently, all the truly great minds are working on baby devices that are not only unnecessary, but loud.

Or involve creative ways to deal with urine.

UPDATE, 1/9/07: Oh, for heaven's sake, you people are making me want to buy the Peepee Teepees. They really are cute, aren't they? Especially the ones with the fireman pattern--isn't that the most strangely appropriate pattern you've ever heard of, being associated with the notion of "fire hoses" and all?

11 Comments:

Anonymous TB said...

Dude, I know what you mean. We don't have room for a crib so we purchased the co-sleeper instead. It comes with one set of linens and I'll be damned if I can find out where to buy another few sets. Also the waterproof liners? Where can I get those? This is the stuff I ACTUALLY NEED, as opposed to the designer Pee-pee Tee-pees.
GAH!

11:48 AM  
Anonymous wordgirl said...

Wow! Absorbent cones...wish I had thought of that. I just threw a burp rag over the danger zone and hoped for the best. What will they think of next!

12:04 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I must admit I think the Peepee Teepees are cute (though a tad impractical - I imagine they're never there at the changing table when you need them). And Booby *insisted* on registering for the white noise-making stuffed bear.

As for cribs, I've heard that it's OK to put both twins into one standard size crib for the first few months. I realize that that doesn't really solve the problem of what to do afterward ... maybe the round cribs? Are they doll-like?

I've never been so happy to have a small spare room. This is a whole set of problems I never evenn considered.

12:38 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

I'm slightly confused... are you looking for a firm mattress for a normal-sized crib or something different?

And I saw those pee-pee cones in some ridiculous magazine. Madeleine and I both thought they were hilarious - so much so that she cut it out of the magazine to show her dad. Given the force of the geyser, I'd love to see the cone go shooting off into someone's forehead.

Teebs - you can usually buy a not-fitted moisture barrier. Even just a couple small ones will work. They're mostly helpful for puke, and a towel may work just as well.

1:00 PM  
Blogger mamatulip said...

Parents that truly love their children buy the decorative cones.

Huh. So that's where we went wrong.

Peepee Teepees? Is that what they're called? LMAO *snortsnortsnort*

A towel does just fine. And trust me, you're gonna need a stack by your change area.

1:49 PM  
Blogger Tink said...

PENIS CONES?! Forget the babies. They should make them in adult sizes. Hey, if Madonna can accentuate her goods with cones... why not guys? It could be the new fashion statement.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Mignon said...

Yeah, tink, they should call it the Little Tyke Codpiece, for dads that need to compensate for not only their own shortcomings, but that of their newborns!

4:59 PM  
Blogger G said...

Don't buy the peepee teepees....yes they are cute but sooo not worth it. I've NEVER covered up my son in between his changes and i've never had him go off on me and he's now 2.5 yrs. Just keep some burp rags close by...

2:24 PM  
Blogger green3 said...

I agree with MamaTulip. What kind of parent would you be if you didn't get those teepees? Crazy lady.

I have to admit that I own one of those stuffed animals that make the womb sounds. It was odd, but it ROCKED! My kid was zonked out immediately with that stupid thing.

11:49 PM  
Blogger mE said...

Don't bother with the unnecessary expense of getting two cribs. They'll be perfectly happy and comfortable sleeping together in one regular sized crib (happier, probably, than separately, and happier means *sleeping better/longer* - something you will be very grateful for). If you want to get something to separate them a bit, get a regular crib with regular bedding, and then arrange a 'bumper' down the middle - there will still be plenty of room for two until they are old enough for their own beds (you can get attachable 'walls' for the sides of beds to keep your two year old from falling out of a regular bed, not a problem). I recommend this because 1.) my kid slept in his crib until he was nearly three years old, and it was *still* plenty big for him at that point. Plenty of room for two babies! 2.) my kid started climbing out of his crib on his own by the time he was a year old - and my mom says I did the same. So there is little advantage to 'crib' vs. 'bed' once the kid is 18 months or so. Less expense to just get one regular crib and then switch to twin beds fairly early on in the game. Less trouble, too - the LAST thing you will want is having to rig up some specialized craft project when you have twin babies to nurse, change, tend to, and (worst) arrange your sleep schedule around!

9:47 AM  
Blogger mE said...

Oh - in terms of the peepee teepees... my kid was a shooter, definitely, and not just the peeing sort. I learned that the hard way (and I was wearing my 'honeymoon' nightgown from Victoria's Secret, too - never was able to wear it again, sadly).

Anyway, the thing is that you can very easily manage to avoid problems without extraneous equipment, simply by moving quickly and by placing the new diaper on from front to back.

In other words: before you approach baby, pre-open the new diaper; take old diaper off and set aside quickly - you can deal with it after baby is changed; place new diaper with appropriate side and end facing (blocking) the spigot; scoop the rest of the diaper between the legs and under the bottom with one hand while clasping and lifting ankles of baby with other; fasten diaper, keeping it over baby's leaky bits at all times - it doesn't have to be neat at all moments, it just has to be between you and baby.

A few clean cloth diapers are handy to have near you at all times, even if you use disposables; they make very absorbant wiper-uppers, and between both leaky ends of baby and the flinging of food etc that they learn to do quite quickly, you are going to be doing a LOT of wiping up.

10:01 AM  

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