Thursday, November 30, 2006

Not quite a Christmas movie, but...

Have you seen Mommie Dearest? If not, you really should.

There's a scene in which Joan and her daughter Christina are having dinner at a swanky Hollywood restaurant. Christina, a high school student at a tough prep school, hands her report card to her mother and announces that she has gotten all A's. Joan replies, practically emotionless, "I'm very proud of you, Christina. Now, what about your Christmas card list?"

Here I sit, waiting for my groceries to be delivered (twelve minutes to go before they're officially late--UPDATE: they called and said they'll be 60 minutes late, which doesn't work for me, given that I have an appointment to explain difficult legal concepts to someone while short of breath due to the fact that I have more babies within me than my body cavity was designed to hold). I am unshowered for the third day in a row, partially due to the fact that there was no time for me to shower and cover the door in the event that the groceries arrived this morning, partially due to the fact that I can't shower thirty minutes before or after giving myself my morning shot, and the timing has been a logistical nightmare this week, and partially because, the way I have been feeling lately, it is far more important to me to read LaineyGossip than to clean myself. Having completed my reading, I decided that this morning would be as good a time as any to order personalized Christmas cards. This is something I've never done before, but I figured this would be a good year to treat myself, what with being busy forming spines for other people with the resources of my own body while not having time to soap up my own back or trim my own toenails more than once a trimester.

I ran an Internet search for "personalized Christmas cards" and came up with approximately three sites that nearly made me lose my cinnamon toast to the schmaltz, glitter, and near-universal $130 price tags before I finally located a museum shop site and at least got to look at some decent stuff. No cheaper, but far less tacky. But at 20 cards per (very expensive) box, with a five-box minimum, I'll not be ordering personalized cards anytime soon. I guess I'm not a true yuppie.

The other thing that stuck in my craw was the plethora of "holiday" cards, which, to me, are sort of like canned tomato sauce. They look nice and function just fine, but they're essentially a watered-down version of the real thing. I much prefer to send Christmas cards to people who celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah cards to people who celebrate Hanukkah, Kwanzaa cards to people who celebrate Kwanzaa, etc. Ostensibly, if you know someone well enough to send them a card, you're probably familiar with what holiday(s) they celebrate. Of course, then you've got to search for and buy multiple different kinds of cards, and most people don't have much more downtime than me, so many of us just suck it up and get a big batch of the generic "holiday" cards. Sometimes, though, the cardmakers just get stupid.

This morning, I decided that, if I'm going to go through the whole process of filling out the cards myself anyway, I was going to get the multiple different kinds of cards. I found a Christmas card I liked. It contained a nice drawing of the Holy Family, with Mary and Joseph gazing at baby Jesus in the manger. The inner caption said something like, "Wishing you happiness this holiday season" (emphasis mine). What??? Who are they kidding???


Blogger Tink said...

So they could decorate it with a baby Jesus in the manger, but they didn't feel comfortable using the word "Christmas?" Oh-kay...

I prefer the term "Happy Christmahanukuanzica!" anyway. Covers all the bases. :)

4:38 PM  
Anonymous c.s. said...

that is *fantastic*. thank you so much for sharing.

since it's so obviously a generic holiday card, you can just personalize each one with the proper holiday. i dare you to cross out "holiday season," write in chanukah, and send that card to my mom. she'd love it. you did get the cards, didn't you?

5:41 PM  
Blogger Mrs. Harridan said...

I'm with Tink on the Chrismahanukwanzakah (sp?) cards -- or Festivus would be good, too. I often find that I have married couples of mixed religion to send cards to, so even a Chanukah card wouldn't do the trick (and I'm too lazy to buy separate cards, anyway).

As for the manger cards, one can only assume that the cardmakers felt a stab of indecision at the 11th hour and changed "Christmas" to "Holiday." I do find it annoying that everything, even nationally-celebrated days like Thanksgiving, is now referred to as "holidays." Argh!

11:39 PM  
Anonymous TB said...

I know what you mean but I've gotten to the point where I'm much more concerned with the picture on the card than what's inside. I've thought of ordering cards with artwork and no inscription at all and just writing in my own.

I can't believe you're still doing the shots. You are a trooper.

2:57 PM  
Anonymous mamatulip said...

I don't get the whole Christmas/holiday flap...that's why I just drag my kids into the Wal Mart photo studio and have someone wave a feather duster in their faces until they crack smiles (or, like last year, scream and cry). The moment's captured and printed on a card with a picture of a festive glowing candle with some standard seasonal quote.

Best twenty bucks I've ever spent.

8:50 AM  
Blogger Mignon said...

My irritation is like someone else said recently: friends that I know from back in the day who send cards with only pictures of their kids. And the worst is tiny smooshy newborns. I like kids, but smooshed-up wrinkly newborns aren't the ones I spent Thursday nights with at Toad's doing shots and then peeing in the bushes next to the library. Okay fine. I like pictures of kids. The kids are fine, just at least get your face in a corner so I can see if you're wrinkly now too.

10:30 PM  
Blogger ptg said...

From my western winter holiday cards:

"I wish you and your family to enjoy appropriate seasonal happiness, unless your beliefs require otherwise."

10:18 PM  

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